Chele dhora

It all started one day when Rituparno Ghosh asked Mrs Moon Moon Sen, the mother of all bong boudies, in that coy tone of his: “Moon Moon Di, toke shobai naeka keno bole re?” The goddess of voluptuous said: "Achha, Ritu, tui naeka’r definition ta bol to…"

A snapshot from the Antarmahal floor:

Act I Sc I: Love-making scene between Jackie Shroff and Soha Ali Khan

Rituparno Ghosh (RG): Ei Jaaggu, shon! Tui na, laav-making’er scene ta ektu Rangeela’r moto kore dichis. Amra janish, oto overt hobo na! Eita art house cinema, toder Bollywood bioscope na.

JS (Jackie Shroff): R se Ritu Da. Ch se cho**n dekhalei shudhu hobe? Ektu..Ch se chulkuni na hole ke hobe? (Aside: Na se Naeka ch**a, saala. Bombay te role pachhina bole ei Pa se panpenani sojhho korte hoche)

RG: Ki shob je bolish. (blushes ruddy). Chhhi. (Bites his fingers) Jaai hok.

RG: [Picks up the megaphone and simpers into it] Soha, tui shuye por. Jaaggu, tui or opor chor.

Soha: Ritu Da, maa je bole pathiye chilo dummy diye korate?

RG: Aha Soha, eta to reality. Bresson’er moto. Tui o-shob bujhbi na. Kochi khuki tui.

Soha: (affronted) Ami shob bujhi. (Winks at Jaggu)

RG: Ei je, tor dada ke dekh. (Drools) Ki sexy. (Twitches nipples) Kemon jangiya oonki marchilo? (Gets transfixed, megaphone in hand, thoughts wander, starts humming the Salaam Namaste theme song).

Spot boy: Ritu Da, Ritu Da! Obhishek Babu eshechen.

Ritu Da gives Obhishek a good prolonged hug. Pecks him on his cheek.

RG: Mon-ey thake jaeno, tor gaye ekta bodka gondho aache. Tui to potua. Maatir manush. Maati diye putul gorish.… Davidoff’er perfume lagale cholbe na.

Obhishek: (Takes RG aside) Jaggu buro bokac**da ke oto gulo scene deyecho? Khan**r chele ekta hulo beral. Aami ki khoi khachhi naaki?

RG: Obhi, omon bolish na re. Dhoom’e tor lom bhora buk dekhe’i aami thik kore niyechi je pore’r cinema te lead role tor. Bogol ta kamiye nish na kintu. Ota’i to appeal.

O: Kintu…

RG: (Completely oblivious to O’s protests, drooling again) Ke intu-shintu korli oi bongo lolona ke nei. Tota Raychaudhuri’r moto koyekta topless scene debo toke. (Gets excited, touches Abhishek’s shoulder, makes funny sounds)

O: Shono Ritu Da….

[Not listening to O at all, RG gets all excited, hands flailing like a manipuri danseuse, kurta flying, hips swaying as he moves towards the bed, where Jaggu and Soha are already giving trial love-making shots one after the other]

RG: Jaaggu! Soha! O shob ki hochhe. Chhhi. (To Soha) Ektu aagei je naekami korchilish? Jemon tor maa, temon tui. (To Jaggu) Ei je rongila, boyesh to kom holo na! Ekhono chelemanusi keno? (A coy slap on Jaggu's posterior)

***********************

The shoot commences. Jaggu is asked to burp while consummating. Soha is asked to mix the pleasure moans with painful groans.

Poor Obhishek is asked to crouch on the other side of the bed and tug it so as to create the mochor-mochor creaking sound. So realistic.