Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Giving head to Sania

Just when I had thought all the punners had quit TOI and joined DNA, I was proved wrong. I almost hit bullseye when I had predicted on the eve of the Sania Mirza-Maria Sharapova US Open 4th round match that TOI was sure to carry the headline: Sania, yet so far. Next morning I was disappointed. The headline said something very tame. But I reconciled myself to the fact that the match ran late into the night and the chief punners might have left for the day.

However, yesterday I was vindicated. The paper's esteemed supplement carried the headline: Sania, not so far. Inverting the legendary Outlook (?) headline: Sonia, yet so far. So, the punners are still there, alive and kicking the hell out of clichés.

This reminds me of a wonderful post Tridib had written about how headlines reflected the tone of newspapers. The talking point was Bush winning the second term. Taking cue from the post, I am woolgathering on how some of the papers must have tackled the Sania-Maria clash.

The Times of India (Actual): The pre-match headline reads Super San Day in over 100 point size. Allright, they have a sober Sania picture, but Maria is seen baring her cleavage while exulting after winning a point. Next morning they say: Tame end to Sania’s Dream.

The Telegraph: Sania loses match, wins hearts. The report starts with a wistful portrait of Sania, sitting alone in the stadium after the day’s matches are over and ruminating, while a handful of groundsmen tend the turf. The correspondent reads her thoughts as if he/she were a clairvoyant moonlighting as a reporter.

The Hindu: Sharapova beats Sania. The piece is no different from a Ranji Trophy match report. It accompanies a pixellated grey picture of Sania shaking hands with Sharapova.

The Hindustan Times: Much like TOI, but with a better layout. There will be a piece by Vir on how Sania symbolizes the Great Indian Shift from cricket to other sports and how he used to play (and beat many) on the green lawns of South Club in Kolkata. And how he unwinds by playing tennis when he stays at the New York Ritz. And how he digs into strawberry and cream at the All-England Lawn Tennis Club.

The Economic Times: A digitally altered picture of P Chidambaram in Sania’s tennis fatigue, holding a raquet. Watching from the gallery are Manmohan Singh, in a tennis cap (he’s the coach), and Sonia, in an offshoulder, strikingly conspicuous among the aam aadmi. A bubble quotes PC saying, "I propose a 20% duty cut on nose studs".

Punjab Kesri: Sania you ess aapen se bahar. Will most likely carry a pic of Sania with her pants showing.

Aajkal (a Bengali vernacular): The report will begin with what Sania had for dinner after the match, will go on to say how her first coach said she would win the US Open one day, then talk about how her mother reacted in front of the TV and how her neighbours went for an extra namaaz that day…. Finally after around 300 words, the report would talk about the match.

Business Standard: A 20-word brief on Page 1 headlined “Sharapova wins”

28 Comments:

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At 3:20 AM, Blogger kaushik said...

Hilarious.. but for Aajak I would want to add one more.. A column for Jaideep Mukherjee or Akhtar Ali saying they cant keep Sharapova in their list of all time great women tennis stars..

Who cares whether Jaidip and Akhtar keep in their list or not..

Great post..

 
At 6:18 AM, Anonymous Hyacinth Girl said...

Hey Fool,

The "20% duty cut on nose studs" was good. Very very ET, as we see it on 1st March. Expected more spice for Aajkal, tho.

Keep up the good work.

 
At 6:25 AM, Blogger Tridib said...

The Punjab Kesri headline was hilarious. Wonder what Deccan Herald would have done?

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Jabberwock said...

Correction: Business Standard sports-briefs rarely exceed 12 words.

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger A fool on the hill said...

Hyacinth girl: Thanks. ET would have gone more ballistic, I guess.

Tridib: Would be great if you suggest the Deccan Herald bit, since you've been in Bangalore for some time now.

Jabberwock: Its amazing how sports briefs are surviving in Business Standard against all odds. The paper also follows Test matches - there are 12-word daily updates!

Kaushik: Prolly, Jaideep would have said how his tips were instrumental in Sania's march to the fourth round.

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger The Marauder's Map said...

Hilarious post, especially loved Bengali newspapers bit. In Ananda Baajar, even a regular report on an accident and its victim will incorporate high drama. Of the 'Bipin aaj bari firbe na' type.

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Passerby said...

Brilliant!! But the Bong dailies will surely take the cake in terms of dramatization!! All reporters of Bong papers will make sure everybody knows they know Sania sijnce childbirth!! Carry on punning!!

 
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At 11:28 AM, Blogger Ghetufool said...

real research man.
feel nice to know, somebody do really note the quality of writings in this fast paced world.
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At 11:30 AM, Blogger Ghetufool said...

particularly that aajkal one. but perhaps you underestimated anandabajar patrika. they are the masters in knitting yarns

 
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